A Year In Letters

Daniel

written by Daniel
December 5, 2024 0

Lost

It seems as though I’ve lost myself again
Walking through the darkness of the day
I’m not sure how, I’m not sure when,
I didn’t know if I’ll ever find my way

The world has a different kind of glow
So visceral, savage, with sadness at it’s core 
And as I stare into the darkness I think I know
My eyes tear up again, feeling almost sore

My skin is wrapped to tightly around
A body shaped like madness in the night
With vengeance, I try to tear it to the ground
In hopes that through the pain I’ll win the fight

The winter sky, it taunts me
With it’s grey muted light
No sunshine here for me to see
Not through the day nor in the night.

I used to dream of better days
Ones where I could feel and smile
And know myself in every way
And maybe I could stay a while.

But here I sit alone with my own demon foes
Filing up my mind, heart and soul
With unforgiving anguish, pain and woe
With taunts and laughs taking their toll.

My body aches and shakes through the night
And well into the waking hours
My mind screams you are alone, you cannot fight
Despite the dozens trying to give me safety and cover

I do not know where I am going anymore
I thought I had a solid plan
I cannot find reasons to remain, I’ve lost the war
I’m no more than a broken man.

I used to think all broken things can be mended
Repaired back into a useful state
But I’m afraid such powers aren’t within me hosted
The time has come to simply accept my fate.

Should you awaken to a day and find
That I’m no longer with you here
Remember as you search for meaning in your mind
That no amount of crying can make me reappear

That’s ok though, really. It’s true
The world never needed me at all
And though my absence might be felt by a select few
In chilly months of fall

The world will keep on spinning
Never sensing any kind of loss
It really is amazing
How little human life can cost.

written by Daniel
August 12, 2023 0

So Sing

I can’t relate to those old songs

The ones that helped us get to here

I’ve committed many wrongs

I’ve proven that life’s not fair.

Then all at once they go down

The guitar sustains a single note

And all at once i lose my frown

I hear the words the singer wrote

The spotlight shines upon the stage

The band kicks off a familiar tune

My heart soars no room for rage

That old chorus comes up soon

Bridge

So fill your lungs and join the song

It’s calling out just for you

Come on sing, sing along

I know you can feel it too

Chorus

Sing out for the lonely ones

Just looking for a friend

Sing out for the lovers

May their bliss never end

Sing out for the broken

Their fractures we can mend

Sing out for each other

And together we shall stand.

 

The band played on their second verse

The crowd began to cheer

Another chorus soon to burst

A new future is coming near

And while the solo is in the air

My eyes upon my soul

It doesn’t matter if life’s not fair

To fix that is our goal.

So we stand together while they play

And sing with them a while

Feeling every word they say

We great you with a smile.

written by Daniel
August 7, 2022 0

Never ride alone

The world is full of darkness

Full of passion, Full of pain

The world is full treason

Lack of reason, lies remain

The world is full of sunshine

Clouds obscure the feeble heat

The world is full of promises

Broken all, until you’re beat

So you keep marching, marching

On the battle field, alone

But look you to your left and look you to your right,

We are there beside you, we are the riders of the night.

While there’s breath within our lungs and a beat within our hearts,

We’ll ride beside you, we are the riders of the night.

Friendship is not a fable told to children in their sleep.

It’s a promise that we give you. It’s a promise that we’ll keep.

No foe today, no fight tomorrow will break us of our vow

We’re one for all and all for one until our final bow.

So though you might feel like you keep marching

On the battle field alone,

Just look you to your left and look you to your right,

We are there beside you, we are the riders of the night.

written by Daniel
October 17, 2021 0

Get Out

Get out of my mind and out of my soul

we parted ways many days ago

You called me names,

said I never cared

Now your dancing happy with another man

I’m making my way,

I’m down over here

Crying my tears,

I never thought were there

We didn’t do much time

with the things that we did

Running around with our secrets well hid

I tried to make an honest gal out of you

But hiding behind curtains

is all that you do.

Now don’t start hating me honey,

I know you liked the chase,

the paddles the ropes

and that special place

You wanted every second

that I could provide.

Look. I’m sorry honey

I couldn’t be what you want

Your 24/7 bitch to control.

I was willing to give you

all my heart and my soul

You only saw the chance

for a single goal

The poly life ain’t for ya,

you couldn’t balance the tide

Looking for something

no one tried to hide

And when you discovered

I wasn’t gonna bend or break

You found another player

to whip into shape.

I wish you the best,

no really I do

I hope he provides you

the same headaches you knew

Cuz the issues we have

weren’t caused by no man

But are the product

of your internal mayhem.

Until you find how

to tame your storm

There ain’t a single man

who will keep you warm.

Night after night

season after fight

you’ll find the rain is coming down

your smiles turn to frowns

cus nothing will keep you bright

until you learn to set your own light.

 

written by Daniel
May 21, 2021 0

I am.

I’m a loser, I’m a freak
im a loner, im a geek.
Im a mystery in space
not good looking in the face
Just an ant beneath your feet.
a useless thing, a pile of peat.
at least thats what you see.
but have you ever gazed into my eyes?
ever cracked though the disguise?
did you try to understand
that I am no more than a man.
Just a man, looking for way
to keep his friends, to make them stay?
they leave. everyone always leaves you know.
sure I  bend and break for all of you,
and you abuse it through and through.
And I ask for little in return
just here and there give me a turn?
perhaps you’ll find there’s more to me
than you ever dared to see.
but for now the secrets shall remain
after all, i am Insane.

I am
I am an artist, and a writer,
and while my words may ne’er be tighter,
I am a man, and lover still,
and we shall never have our fill.
I am demolished, I am destroyed
by every method you employed.
I am a shadow in the night,
I am you darkness I’m your fright.
I am the voice that whispers in your ear
when madness comes and all is clear.
I am your weakness, I’m your strength,
through the fire, you’ll make the length.
I am your sword, I am you shield,
through the water and the field.
I am your tactics, first response,
And I am your second chance.
I am a question, I’m a light
I’m an answer and your might.
But above and despite all else,
I am here.
I am your friend.
and this shall last
to the very end.

(C) Daniel G. Allen May 21, 2012

written by Daniel
April 6, 2021 0

Introduction to a new job

Hi All,

As luck should have it, I am the newest member of a corporate family. Therefore, introductions are in order. In the pre-covid days this would be done with much fanfare, celebration, food, wine, dance, performances by Oscar winning actors and Grammy winning singers. Fire breathers, contortionists, magicians would take the stage and set the proper ambience for the round of introductions that happens when a new member joins the team. But Covid has changed our world and this time around the team decided that in lieu of all that, I should simply write a brief introduction and email it to everyone.

Very well. I can do that.

In a place Gatsby refused to agree is a small town, in the one thousand nine hundred ninety first year of our common era, I was born in spring month of May, amid the blooming of the flowers, likely resulting from the rain in April. I grew up just a few miles north of that lovely town in a small city known as Royal Oak and from there moved to Rochester hills. I hit the requisite marks, submitted the necessary paperwork and was properly institutionalized at Michigan State University, an institution of higher learning (or so they say). There I spent 4 years plotzing along a predefined path through their curriculum and received a lovely document that hangs on my wall.

I have done a great many things in the passing years. I spent some time teaching people how to sail boats. Indeed, I have a project boat waiting for me this summer at the family cabin. With any luck I can get her sea-worthy without too much trouble. I spent some time making short documentary videos and even applied for a PBS grant to develop a show about local artists. I did not get the grant but hope to still produce the show for a YouTube audience eventually. I spent 3 years as a project manager for small tech firm specializing in experiential marketing technologies geared towards the event world.

 At present I have settled in a quaint habitat in the city of Madison Heights. My parents decided I do not get to take my dogs with me when I moved out and so the house is often a little too quiet where I should hear the constant noise generated by Teddy and Mishka. I intend to bring them home one day.  But first I should probably fix the holes in the fence? That is a discussion for another time. In any case, when I am not working, I dabble in photography (and am a member of the photographers guild of America), film production, Event streaming, music, reading, writing, languages, among other things. I love spending time in the woods with a bon fire going, the grill nice and hot, the puppies bouncing like lunatics, while the cheap Bluetooth speakers attempts to produce some pleasing noise based on my Spotify playlist. Prior to covid I was known to host dinner parties regularly and would often have friends, family, or coworkers over for a multicourse meal on a random Friday night. Perhaps we’ll get lucky and that is a tradition I can start back up soon.

I hope this overly dramatized introduction gave you all a minor glimpse into the controlled chaos and fun we are all about to embark on as I fully integrate into the family.

Figure 1: Screenshot of recent livestream

Figure 2: Sample of portrait photographs

Figure 3: Mishka(left) napping with Teddy(right)

Figure 4: The table is ready, anyone hungry?

Figure 5: You all have fun, I’ll be on the water.

written by Daniel
December 21, 2020 0

Staring at the ceiling

Staring at the ceiling,
Counting passing stars,
I never thought my numbers
Would ever get that far.
Yet I keep on counting,
Hoping for the best.
All I really wanted,
Was some peaceful rest.
Alas! The world thought it funny
That a simple man like I
Should have any peace at all
Till the day I’ll die.
So my number ‘s rising
And my day grow dim
It’s not too far, the day
I’ll take my final swim.

written by Daniel
December 6, 2020 0

This isn’t Your Normal escapade

Adventure forged into the night
Desire built by candle light
This isn’t your normal escapade
Tight! Feel it on your skin
The ropes have got you pinned
Are you ready for this charade?

You want to forget your name
I’m ready to play this game
Take a breath and surrender to my whim
You like to feel my pain
I love making marks remain
We’ll fill your bucket to the brim.

Now tied up hand and foot
Vibrator there to loot
I’m watching as you lose control
You’re begging me for more
I’ve got some tricks in store
These feelings penetrate your soul

You feel it coming on
Your body shaking strong
Never thought a night could go like this
As you lie panting there
Messed up all your hair
Feeling an eternal bliss.

Your eyes gazing at me
A feeling of victory
Then I tell you that there’s more to come
You are slightly scared inside
Maybe even petrified
But you need to feel what you’ve become.

You tell me yes please sir
As my hands start to stir
And you lose control again
You’re finally feeling free
Free from the misery
But you are addicted to my zen

Another round we go
And now you know for sure
You never wanted this to end
I say that’s all for now
You give me a frown
As my hand rests on you head

written by Daniel
December 1, 2020 0

I Might Surrender

In my head I have trapped a hundred stories
tales of different times and different glories
And I can’t tell where ends the truth, where starts the lie
Which one are you and which am I.
The earth keeps spinning round and round
I remain lost hoping to be found

At the water’s edge I look below
The subtle stream moved so slow
Don’t know what there is to see
The reflection there, it isn’t me
Can’t recognize my sight or voice
It’s the result of every choice

The fire grows and belows bright
Bringing warmth to my delight.
I feel it singe, ravage and burn
Like the decisions I’ve made in silly turn
And as the night grows old and dim
My mind takes its turn to grim

You stoke the fire so it may forge the strongest steel
Through it’s desire, you slowly forget how to feel
The steel is strong but it is brittle
I’m feeling lost, I’m feeling little
And fire is getting higher
I might surrender I’m so tired.

Can’t believe this is what I am
You said go and I began
But I don’t recognize the shadow in the dark
And the fire. It’s giving off sparks.
I deflect but they still burn
No matter how I twist and turn.

I told myself I’d keep on living
Every day just keep on giving
But I’m giving to a jester
Who exists only to pester
And my mind can’t find distinction
Between my facts and and all my fiction

Perhaps the time is nigh
To finally write my last goodbye
To swim away to the abyss
Where no one will dare to miss
A silly wretch as damned as I
And so my friends I say: goodbye.

written by Daniel
April 24, 2020 0

3 AM

They say that 3am is the hour of poets. And yet I cannot string a single couplet together. For years I sold myself as a writer, a poet with a fire in my soul that needs to pour out onto parchment or paper to keep from burning me from the inside out. I spoke of dreams, of plans and concepts which needed to brought forth from the crevices of my brain into the world that surrounds us. I spoke of music and of costume, of performances which may take the world by storm. And yet i sit here, pen in hand, unable to scrawl a single phrase of value upon the pale sheet which taunts and haunts me. Perhaps I am destined never again to write. Perhaps I should renounce that self-pronounced title for good. But without it, what am I? Have I not always been the dreamer, the poet, the storyteller? If that is not me, then what is left? That, my dear friends, is my unknown. The X in my indeterminate equation, the solution for which the greatest minds have not begun to derive. The fire, smoldering, keeps burning; The words, remain foreign. Stubbornly they fight me, refusing to come forth and fill the empty page. Perhaps in this torrid flame, I shall be incinerated at last, never again to present myself as more than just a sad example of a man.

written by Daniel
April 17, 2020 0

Shadow of a man

I’m just a shadow of the man I was before

Lost my armor, left my honor at the door.

There’s nothing left, I’ve rotted to the core

The rain beats down, I’ll drown and burn forever more.

written by Daniel
March 26, 2019 0

Memories?

Memories,

who asked for your sudden clear return
on a night as this, quiet, calm and stern?
Who asked you to come rushing from thine eyes
Revealing all the truth that behind closed eyelids lie?
Who asked you to remind us of what we long had laid to rest
Putting our convictions, our decisions through the test?
But most of all I wonder, though to some it may seem clear
Why must we remember things we once held close and dear
Which since have been estranged from us, to places long unknown,
Where in darkness cobwebs and dust has in abundance grown?
Why must we be haunted by that which now matters not,
By that which just moments prior we long believed to be forgot?
What mystic force drives you from your rusty crypt
To crawl through my brain tonight announcing your old tired script?
May I, perhaps, control this force, and cast you off forever?
I oft had thought it possible, but It seems I am not so clever.
So evenings come and evenings go, they are at your disposal
And sitting here in broken dreams, I try to cast one last proposal.
Leave me now and give me peace, that I may rise once more.
Arise a mortal victor, I, higher, stronger, grander than before

written by Daniel
August 2, 2017 0

Second Chance: An opportunity to try again.

The world is full of opportunities. The multitude of possibilities lay out in front of us like water in the ocean, but many of us are afraid to swim. We see wave after wave of chance crash upon the sands of our present, washing away the sand castles of previous attempts with each pass. Seeing the destruction, we remain paralyzed in fear and doubt.  The waves take no notice. They continue their rhythmic roll, reminding you that so long as you can see the water, you can walk into the ocean of opportunities, and take a chance. Build a raft if you have to. The waves will use their might to push you back to the shore from whence you came. Recall that every breath you take is another chance to stand and fight, to swim and row and sail with all your strength, to navigate your raft until that fateful moment  you reach a new shore, with new prospects and see the dawn in a new light. The second chances we need are all around us, we only need to learn to swim.

written by Daniel
April 14, 2017 0

Honor, Love, and our Fate

Living on this spinning sphere
Haven’t found our escape
Seeking daily to change our lives,
Somehow to alter our fate
Tangential to every plan there is
The reality of whats expected
And through every action we try to take,
There’s always so much to be protected..

So much of what is in our lives
Depend on gods and heavens
But honor, love and our fate
But honor, love and our fate
Are ours to make or break
They’re ours to make or break

No matter what our lives may throw
We have to keep on pushing
To create an honest truth at home
Is the only  mission
The roads ahead may be rough
The coming turns are dimming
Don’t compromise on who we are
Our strength is only the beginning

written by Daniel
February 8, 2016 0

The Wall

Waters said there was a door when I came in,
been here too long, I’m stuck, locked within.
The pressure is mounting this can’t be good,
This wall wasn’t build out of paper or wood,
Its construction was perfect, from mason and brick,
The darkness is looming, this might make me sick,
Someone once told me whats seen in mind’s eye
Is unsurpassed in its greatness, and beauty can’t lie.
Well, here I am sitting, with all my gears spinning
Creating new creatures all hell-bent, and winning,
I’m willing to bet that “someone” hasn’t seen creatures like these
Or else, they wouldn’t be spreading their deceit and disease.
From Dante’s cantos, to the angels that sing,
Every single demon has a present to bring,
So I unwrap the presents presented to me,
Secretly hoping to find the lost key.
The time is arriving,  and I’ve had enough
Where is the door that’s hidden and rough.
The pressure is mounting, the visions I see
Ignore negotiations, they don’t hear my plea
I am not certain which will fall first,
The walls that surround me or my mind which is cursed?
They say madness breeds madness, and never brings light
Fighting madness with madness is a loosing fight.
Hence I sit here in the prison of my own making,
wondering if from this torrent I’m waking.
Exploring my mind, and cursing illusion,
Perpetuating a constant state of confusion,
It ain’t hard to find illusion when you are living in a memory
But can my illusion, fraught with confusion, truly set me free?

One can certainly hope.