I’m a loser, I’m a freak im a loner, im a geek. Im a mystery in space not good looking in the face Just an ant beneath your feet. a useless thing, a pile of peat. at least thats what you see. but have you ever gazed into my eyes? ever cracked though the disguise? did you try to understand that I am no more than a man. Just a man, looking for way to keep his friends, to make them stay? they leave. everyone always leaves you know. sure I bend and break for all of you, and you abuse it through and through. And I ask for little in return just here and there give me a turn? perhaps you’ll find there’s more to me than you ever dared to see. but for now the secrets shall remain after all, i am Insane.
I am I am an artist, and a writer, and while my words may ne’er be tighter, I am a man, and lover still, and we shall never have our fill. I am demolished, I am destroyed by every method you employed. I am a shadow in the night, I am you darkness I’m your fright. I am the voice that whispers in your ear when madness comes and all is clear. I am your weakness, I’m your strength, through the fire, you’ll make the length. I am your sword, I am you shield, through the water and the field. I am your tactics, first response, And I am your second chance. I am a question, I’m a light I’m an answer and your might. But above and despite all else, I am here. I am your friend. and this shall last to the very end.
As luck should have it, I am the newest member of a corporate family. Therefore, introductions are in order. In the pre-covid days this would be done with much fanfare, celebration, food, wine, dance, performances by Oscar winning actors and Grammy winning singers. Fire breathers, contortionists, magicians would take the stage and set the proper ambience for the round of introductions that happens when a new member joins the team. But Covid has changed our world and this time around the team decided that in lieu of all that, I should simply write a brief introduction and email it to everyone.
Very well. I can do that.
In a place Gatsby refused to agree is a small town, in the one thousand nine hundred ninety first year of our common era, I was born in spring month of May, amid the blooming of the flowers, likely resulting from the rain in April. I grew up just a few miles north of that lovely town in a small city known as Royal Oak and from there moved to Rochester hills. I hit the requisite marks, submitted the necessary paperwork and was properly institutionalized at Michigan State University, an institution of higher learning (or so they say). There I spent 4 years plotzing along a predefined path through their curriculum and received a lovely document that hangs on my wall.
I have done a great many things in the passing years. I spent some time teaching people how to sail boats. Indeed, I have a project boat waiting for me this summer at the family cabin. With any luck I can get her sea-worthy without too much trouble. I spent some time making short documentary videos and even applied for a PBS grant to develop a show about local artists. I did not get the grant but hope to still produce the show for a YouTube audience eventually. I spent 3 years as a project manager for small tech firm specializing in experiential marketing technologies geared towards the event world.
At present I have settled in a quaint habitat in the city of Madison Heights. My parents decided I do not get to take my dogs with me when I moved out and so the house is often a little too quiet where I should hear the constant noise generated by Teddy and Mishka. I intend to bring them home one day. But first I should probably fix the holes in the fence? That is a discussion for another time. In any case, when I am not working, I dabble in photography (and am a member of the photographers guild of America), film production, Event streaming, music, reading, writing, languages, among other things. I love spending time in the woods with a bon fire going, the grill nice and hot, the puppies bouncing like lunatics, while the cheap Bluetooth speakers attempts to produce some pleasing noise based on my Spotify playlist. Prior to covid I was known to host dinner parties regularly and would often have friends, family, or coworkers over for a multicourse meal on a random Friday night. Perhaps we’ll get lucky and that is a tradition I can start back up soon.
I hope this overly dramatized introduction gave you all a minor glimpse into the controlled chaos and fun we are all about to embark on as I fully integrate into the family.
Staring at the ceiling, Counting passing stars, I never thought my numbers Would ever get that far. Yet I keep on counting, Hoping for the best. All I really wanted, Was some peaceful rest. Alas! The world thought it funny That a simple man like I Should have any peace at all Till the day I’ll die. So my number ‘s rising And my day grow dim It’s not too far, the day I’ll take my final swim.
Adventure forged into the night Desire built by candle light This isn’t your normal escapade Tight! Feel it on your skin The ropes have got you pinned Are you ready for this charade?
You want to forget your name I’m ready to play this game Take a breath and surrender to my whim You like to feel my pain I love making marks remain We’ll fill your bucket to the brim.
Now tied up hand and foot Vibrator there to loot I’m watching as you lose control You’re begging me for more I’ve got some tricks in store These feelings penetrate your soul
You feel it coming on Your body shaking strong Never thought a night could go like this As you lie panting there Messed up all your hair Feeling an eternal bliss.
Your eyes gazing at me A feeling of victory Then I tell you that there’s more to come You are slightly scared inside Maybe even petrified But you need to feel what you’ve become.
You tell me yes please sir As my hands start to stir And you lose control again You’re finally feeling free Free from the misery But you are addicted to my zen
Another round we go And now you know for sure You never wanted this to end I say that’s all for now You give me a frown As my hand rests on you head
In my head I have trapped a hundred stories tales of different times and different glories And I can’t tell where ends the truth, where starts the lie Which one are you and which am I. The earth keeps spinning round and round I remain lost hoping to be found
At the water’s edge I look below The subtle stream moved so slow Don’t know what there is to see The reflection there, it isn’t me Can’t recognize my sight or voice It’s the result of every choice
The fire grows and belows bright Bringing warmth to my delight. I feel it singe, ravage and burn Like the decisions I’ve made in silly turn And as the night grows old and dim My mind takes its turn to grim
You stoke the fire so it may forge the strongest steel Through it’s desire, you slowly forget how to feel The steel is strong but it is brittle I’m feeling lost, I’m feeling little And fire is getting higher I might surrender I’m so tired.
Can’t believe this is what I am You said go and I began But I don’t recognize the shadow in the dark And the fire. It’s giving off sparks. I deflect but they still burn No matter how I twist and turn.
I told myself I’d keep on living Every day just keep on giving But I’m giving to a jester Who exists only to pester And my mind can’t find distinction Between my facts and and all my fiction
Perhaps the time is nigh To finally write my last goodbye To swim away to the abyss Where no one will dare to miss A silly wretch as damned as I And so my friends I say: goodbye.
They say that 3am is the hour of poets. And yet I cannot string a single couplet together. For years I sold myself as a writer, a poet with a fire in my soul that needs to pour out onto parchment or paper to keep from burning me from the inside out. I spoke of dreams, of plans and concepts which needed to brought forth from the crevices of my brain into the world that surrounds us. I spoke of music and of costume, of performances which may take the world by storm. And yet i sit here, pen in hand, unable to scrawl a single phrase of value upon the pale sheet which taunts and haunts me. Perhaps I am destined never again to write. Perhaps I should renounce that self-pronounced title for good. But without it, what am I? Have I not always been the dreamer, the poet, the storyteller? If that is not me, then what is left? That, my dear friends, is my unknown. The X in my indeterminate equation, the solution for which the greatest minds have not begun to derive. The fire, smoldering, keeps burning; The words, remain foreign. Stubbornly they fight me, refusing to come forth and fill the empty page. Perhaps in this torrid flame, I shall be incinerated at last, never again to present myself as more than just a sad example of a man.
who asked for your sudden clear return on a night as this, quiet, calm and stern? Who asked you to come rushing from thine eyes Revealing all the truth that behind closed eyelids lie? Who asked you to remind us of what we long had laid to rest Putting our convictions, our decisions through the test? But most of all I wonder, though to some it may seem clear Why must we remember things we once held close and dear Which since have been estranged from us, to places long unknown, Where in darkness cobwebs and dust has in abundance grown? Why must we be haunted by that which now matters not, By that which just moments prior we long believed to be forgot? What mystic force drives you from your rusty crypt To crawl through my brain tonight announcing your old tired script? May I, perhaps, control this force, and cast you off forever? I oft had thought it possible, but It seems I am not so clever. So evenings come and evenings go, they are at your disposal And sitting here in broken dreams, I try to cast one last proposal. Leave me now and give me peace, that I may rise once more. Arise a mortal victor, I, higher, stronger, grander than before
The world is full of opportunities. The multitude of possibilities lay out in front of us like water in the ocean, but many of us are afraid to swim. We see wave after wave of chance crash upon the sands of our present, washing away the sand castles of previous attempts with each pass. Seeing the destruction, we remain paralyzed in fear and doubt. The waves take no notice. They continue their rhythmic roll, reminding you that so long as you can see the water, you can walk into the ocean of opportunities, and take a chance. Build a raft if you have to. The waves will use their might to push you back to the shore from whence you came. Recall that every breath you take is another chance to stand and fight, to swim and row and sail with all your strength, to navigate your raft until that fateful moment you reach a new shore, with new prospects and see the dawn in a new light. The second chances we need are all around us, we only need to learn to swim.
Living on this spinning sphere
Haven’t found our escape
Seeking daily to change our lives,
Somehow to alter our fate
Tangential to every plan there is
The reality of whats expected
And through every action we try to take,
There’s always so much to be protected..
So much of what is in our lives
Depend on gods and heavens
But honor, love and our fate
But honor, love and our fate
Are ours to make or break
They’re ours to make or break
No matter what our lives may throw
We have to keep on pushing
To create an honest truth at home
Is the only mission
The roads ahead may be rough
The coming turns are dimming
Don’t compromise on who we are
Our strength is only the beginning
Waters said there was a door when I came in,
been here too long, I’m stuck, locked within.
The pressure is mounting this can’t be good,
This wall wasn’t build out of paper or wood,
Its construction was perfect, from mason and brick,
The darkness is looming, this might make me sick,
Someone once told me whats seen in mind’s eye
Is unsurpassed in its greatness, and beauty can’t lie.
Well, here I am sitting, with all my gears spinning
Creating new creatures all hell-bent, and winning,
I’m willing to bet that “someone” hasn’t seen creatures like these
Or else, they wouldn’t be spreading their deceit and disease.
From Dante’s cantos, to the angels that sing,
Every single demon has a present to bring,
So I unwrap the presents presented to me,
Secretly hoping to find the lost key.
The time is arriving, and I’ve had enough
Where is the door that’s hidden and rough.
The pressure is mounting, the visions I see
Ignore negotiations, they don’t hear my plea
I am not certain which will fall first,
The walls that surround me or my mind which is cursed?
They say madness breeds madness, and never brings light
Fighting madness with madness is a loosing fight.
Hence I sit here in the prison of my own making,
wondering if from this torrent I’m waking.
Exploring my mind, and cursing illusion,
Perpetuating a constant state of confusion,
It ain’t hard to find illusion when you are living in a memory
But can my illusion, fraught with confusion, truly set me free?
Roaming this lonely planet for 23 years,
Days filled with anguish and nights filled with tears,
The sun may be shining but I just saw the rain,
Pouring in cycles, it pierces and stains.
I’m tired of darkness, Where does one find light?
Haven’t I given the devil a fight?
I’m tired of failure, and envy and hate
Time has arrived, I’m changing my fate.
So I cry out to heaven, O lord, raise me high!
Give me the strength that is needed to fly.
Cut all the chains, all the ropes and the weights,
Time has arrived, I’m breaking this cage.
I’m fighting for freedom from all that impose,
The powers that be, the powers that rose.
And those that defy me will soon understand,
Only the weak never lend out their hand.
So if you aren’t with me, don’t stand in my way
With all of your efforts you wont get me to stray.
This path is my own, I don’t need any of you
But a true friend will stay, and I’ll be true to you.
Even from mountains conquered in spring,
looking down, admiring the angels that sing
I will continue to fight, to rise and pursue,
Never settle for less than is granted to you
Through the time and the effort which one dares to spend
One figures out greatness before the story ends
And writes the greatest tale that ever was scribed
The tale of life lived, developed, derived.
So open your eyes, lend me your ears,
Watch the transformation through all of your tears
May the tale I tell you serve as a seed,
May all of your efforts to your greatness lead.
This is not at all what I expected
When I packed my bags on Friday night,
When I hit the road, the work day ended,
My Alma Mater, destination set in sight.
A weekend with old friends, the people I remember
Nights on the town with strangers I will soon forget
I expected to remind them I am clever
Make bad decisions I would soon regret
Instead dame fate in all her wisdom,
Brought you to glide inside my door
And so it came, a change of rhythm,
A new perceptive cutting through the core.
I refused to believe it, for the first hour at the least
But as the evening kept progressing by the moonless tide
I found my demons with my angels at the strangest peace
And somehow this odd thing, a smile, suddenly hard to hide.
We spent the day and then another,
We ended our foray afloat the sea
To our encounter we weighed anchor,
Thank you world for introducing you to me.
I do not know where our paths are cast,
I only know where I have already been.
I hope this first encounter wont be the last
And great adventures for us are waiting to be seen.
The world will judge you. That is a given. It’s a fact of life. It doesn’t matter what you say, or how you act. You cannot avoid it. Your silence will be judged as ignorance, your words as foolishness. Your actions shall be defined as selfish or self-serving. Thus, do not exist for the acceptance of others. Exists for the acceptance of yourself and let your own existence justify itself. Be bold in that existence such that your very existence is an act of defiance against all who grant themselves the right to judge you. Be brave in that existence, such that no barrier can stand between your true nature and the manifestation of that nature in your existence. Your existence shall then be louder than anyone’s opinion of this existence for the existence is pure, and everything else is but a byproduct of the existence, unable to exist without your existence existing first. Thus, speak your mind, act your heart, and live as only you can. Go Forth, Be awesome. No Zero Days.
written by Daniel
